The Deluded Diva Speaks... Maybe its time to move on...
On Saturday morning, I dumped the contents of my dryer on my dining room table and began the weekly chore of folding clothes. I heard a knock at the back door and went to take a peak.
A young couple was standing there inspecting the peeling paint on my back door. I didnâ€™t know them, but they looked so darn nice I opened the door anyway.
They gushed, â€śWeâ€™ve always wanted to see the inside of your house. Do you mind if we come look around?â€ť Strange request, but maybe my home is more intriguing than I imagined.
â€śWell, I guess,â€ť I mumbled. â€śCould you wait a moment?â€ť
I raced to the dining room and tossed the clothes into the oven, and the mail in the dishwasher. I find those are the most logical locations in which to hide clutter when company shows up unannounced.
I bought a wonderful toaster oven which bakes, broils and thaws although Iâ€™m miffed it insists on burning the toast on one end (after all it is a TOASTER, right?). The big ole wall oven has been relegated to holidays, so that piece of real estate makes an excellent hidey hole.
Since I began entertaining with paper plates, the dishwasher is used about once a month..so these two appliances are great location in which to conceal your housekeeping sins.
I returned to the door and welcomed the young couple who began trotting about my house like they owned it. They critiqued every little detail and I was beginning to wonder if they were city inspectors about to condemn my property.
They wandered into my home office and pointed up to my perfect heart-shaped water mark where my roof leaked last month.
â€śHey, I treasure that,â€ť I told them. How many people get a heart shaped water stain when itâ€™s not even Valentineâ€™s? (These people were beginning to get on my nerves.)
â€śSo how much do you want for it?â€ť asked the man.
â€śWhat are you talking about?â€ť I quizzed them.
â€śThereâ€™s a â€śFor Saleâ€ť sign in your front yard and we want to buy,â€ť he said.
We all walked to the front yard and sure enough, there was a Prudential â€śFor Saleâ€ť sign parked smack dab in the front yard.
Suddenly, I remembered that the Bulldog Bash street festival had been going on Friday evening and the pedestrian traffic was thick. Apparently, the natives became restless and someone planted the sign as a joke.
â€śWell, how much are you willing to pay for a house with a water stain clearly bestowed from God in perfect shape of a heart?,â€ť I asked.
The sign is still in my yard. Iâ€™m just waiting to see if I get a better offer.
Emily Jones is a retired journalist who lives in Starkville. She edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement and welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com.
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