The Deluded Diva Speaks Learning how to dress like a senior citizen
The cooler temperatures last week prompted me to do some spring cleaning in my closet. Okay, so Iâ€™m two seasons behind, but at least Iâ€™m finally getting around to it.
Itâ€™s way past time to pack away the white shoes and tank tops. You know, no proper Southern girl would ever wear white after Labor day. As for the tank tops â€“ I keep them around only to remind me that I once dared to wear them!
I was appalled to find a Gucci handbag among the detritus. I donâ€™t even think it was a knock-off. It was entombed in an old shoe box, never to see the light of day again. It reminded me how far Iâ€™ve slid down the fashion scale since I gave up my nine to five world.
That little Gucci number probably cost me a monthâ€™s salary. Where were my priorities back in the 80s? My children were eating hot dogs and I was supporting Mr. Gucci. What a silly, silly woman. With so much need in the world, I canâ€™t believe I was so self indulgent.
These days, a Kroger bag works just fine and costs me zilch.
And there, way back behind my Christmas decorations, I discovered the pair of Manolo Blahniks I purchased in New York when â€śSex in the Cityâ€ť was still on my Tivo. They were the most uncomfortable shoes Iâ€™ve ever owned and made me hobble like a geisha. (Plus they were disgustingly WHITE!)
Stuffed into one shoe was a teeny miniskirt that was barely a foot long! I figure it was left over from the Carter Administration which was a pretty tacky time. Take it from me, mini-skirts donâ€™t mix well with Spandex. (If you donâ€™t know about Spandex, I figure you must be a size two and under the age of 35.)
Surveying all my past wardrobe sins, I shivered. Why didnâ€™t someone slap me in the face and wake me up to the realities of this world? Anything labeled â€śdesignerâ€ť should be outlawed.
The Manolos have been replaced with rubber shower shoes purchased at Fredâ€™s on sale for 50 cents! They feel like heaven.
So my fashion sense may have taken a nosedive, but my clothing budget is going to be put to better use in the future!
Emily Jones is a retired journalist who lives in Starkville. She edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement and welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com
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